Facing the difficulties of everyday life is challenging. It is often scary to admit that in at least one area of life, things may not be perfect. What I know is that if I avoid admitting there is a problem, the problem gets worse. Recognizing the problem is the beginning to tackling everyday problems. Most problems will not seem as scary once they are identified and a course of action is planned and executed.

There is no secret to the art of problem solving. In “Managing Your Mind, The Mental Fitness Guide”, Gillian butler and Tony Hope use a 3 step method for solving one’s everyday problems as follows:

Step One: Identify the Problem. In this step, the problem is clearly identified. For example, when Sharon found herself in groups of people with her significant other, she felt anxious especially when her partner seemed not to pay any attention to her whereabouts, but instead visited with everyone to the perceived exclusion of herself. She recalled times when she would think her partner seemed more willing to go out with his friends when they suggested places to go,  than he would have if she had suggested it.  This kind of situation happened enough that she soon became more sensitive to what he was (or was not) doing toward her when they were with groups.   She would feel hurt every time.  She would take unproductive actions toward him, and the end result was always the same, he would be more distant, not more loving and understanding.   Even though irrational and untrue,  she would feel (in these group settings)  he was putting his friends above their relationship. It was just one more confirmation that she was not good enough, not as important as his friends.

How could she resolve the hurt feelings she often had when incidents like this happened? She had tried to discuss it with him…..if he could just see that by including her and perhaps saying something to the effect that he was excited to see her for example…..from him….HI! (excitedly) You got here just in time…I was just coming to  find you……..…she knew her expectations..shoulds, coulds, etc…were getting in the way of her feeling of happiness and well being no matter where she was situated in a group in relation to her partner….what could she do in the future to avoid getting hurt feelings….while getting what she needed to feel important and safe with her partner?????

Step Two:  Brainstorming…..coming up with as many solutions to a problem as one can think of….sooo in the example above..what are the solutions? Write me and let me know what you think!

Step Three:  Implementation of a solution.   Try the solution and see what happens. If one of the solutions works, try to do it the same way next time the upsetting event occurs. If the solution worked half-way, try to figure out how it might work fully. Problems are not solved overnight, especially when they involve a relationship between two people who are individuals in their own right.

Persist in trying solutions until you find one that makes you feel better the next time something similar occurs.

One of important keys to remember is that it is your problem and you are in charge of figuring it out. If it is an incident at work, or with your partner at home, or your child, you are the responsible one if you are the one being upset by the course of events.

In “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray  illustrates the male/female ways of thinking that impact quality of relationships.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007 at 11:29 am and is filed under Problem Solving. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.