Changing an unhelpful or self-defeating behavior is challenging to say the least.   The first part of changing behavior is to become aware of what is a self-defeating in your life, and in what areas of life are you stuck/stagnant/unproductive/not reaching your goals.  Start at the beginning with observing your thoughts.  One way to begin this practice is to sit quietly for at least 15 mins a day.  You will be amazed at the thoughts that cross your mind!   Let the thoughts pass by like clouds in the sky.  That is step one.  Practice this for awhile.  This helps assist us with becoming aware of the thoughts you were previously unaware of that affect the way you feel, the way you then act which is directly linked to blocking what you are really try to attain in life.  After identifying negative thoughts for awhile now is the time to define what makes you happy.  Make a list.  This exercise (which could also be a list of what one values in life) is an exercise in becoming more clear about your inner being.  Remember during this time that no matter what is going on around you, the only one you can change is you.  If you are holding on to negativity toward another person, begin to make a shift in your thinking to see what role you play(ed) in the interaction.  Is holding on to this resentment or negativity enhancing your life? I doubt it.   It is certainly not bothering the other person, I can assure you.  But it is blocking the joy you want/need in your life.  I am going to suggest that by focusing on yourself and your needs, you will be able to let go of resentments (negativity) toward others which hold you back from attaining your goals.  Try this and see if this small shift in your thinking creates a more positive climate in your life.  Let me know! Kathryn

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